Going Through a Mid Life Crisis, Maybe?

I've turned into my own brand of superhero lately. Look....driving too fast down the road, it's a Mom, it's a responsible adult.....No, it's Wannabe Party Girl! Just between you and me, on several occasions after I've dropped my kids off at either a play date or at my in-laws, I crank up the loudest, most obnoxious music I can find and I've had the BIGGEST craving for cigarettes and margaritas. Crazy, you say?! Absolutely! But I almost veered my car into the nearest gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes the other day.

So picture this. The other day, my friend volunteered to watch the kids so I could run to the grocery store quickly (you know, the quick in and out trip which is like paradise to those of us who are Moms. No one asked for doughnuts, juice boxes, sugar cereal, pop tarts....it was sheer heaven). So anyway, I was driving my preppy, skirt-wearing self (pearls, hair band and all, mind you!), in my oh so hip Volvo station wagon (the sexy beast - complete with empty car seats, sippy cups and gold fish crackers spilled throughout the backseat) and blasting Guns and Roses, of all things. Windows down. Singing loudly along to the music. There was dancing. And clapping. Ummmm, and hair swinging. And maybe even some overbiting. I know all the 21 year olds are standing in line to be my friend. I'm humbly waiting for my cease and desist letter from Guns and Roses.

Happy Father's Day

To my Dad...I love you dearly. Thank you for everything you've done to support me and continue to do. Thank you's may not come every day, but you mean the world to me.

To my Husband...you're such a wonderful father. You're so involved and hands on. There's not a better daddy out there!

Peanut Free is the Way to Be

I've been reflecting on something lately and I just have it on my heart to write about it. I was soooo excited the first time I published something on my blog. It was all about a fluffer nutter sandwich. With great enthusiasm, I sent the link to everyone I know. What I didn't do, however was stop and think about how a simple happy little story in my life can be hurtful to others.

I have a friend, "C" who has a son, "J" who has a peanut allergy. Included in my initial email, I sent the link to her. I remember specifically thinking about her as I was writing my posting, because I made sure to mention that these sandwiches can be made out of sun butter as well as peanut butter. Now "C" has never mentioned a thing about this, but all of a sudden something struck me. This has been so cumbersome in her life and so troublesome, and I think I just took that very lightly.

So please, for the tens of you who read this :) , when you think about making any kinds of snacks with peanuts, peanut butter or just packing pre-made snacks (please check the label to see if the product is peanut free), please remember that there may be a child sitting next to yours with an allergy that could be deadly if he/she even inhales the peanut products. Peanut butter is great at home, but let's watch out for each other's kids and make other choices when we go out in public.

And "C", I know you sometimes wonder how people can be insensitive. Well, even someone who knows you and loves you can be insensitive without even realizing it. Sorry!

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

You Know You're a Child of the Eighties If...

1. you remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV
2. a predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid"
3. you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in those childhood photos, and they still look bad
4. while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by Prince over and over again
5. you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to "It's the end of the world as we know it"
6. you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.
7. you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phases:
"When I was younger"
"When I was your age"
"You know, back when..."
"Because I SAID so, that's why"
"Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to"
8. you can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" DIDN'T involve 49,000 selections to choose from
9. Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language
10. Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to piss you off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am"
11. you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing, and you're ready to marry the next person who cards you when you want to buy cigarettes.
12. flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a presidential election, and you were SO disappointed because, just for laughs, you really wanted to vote for Gary Hart
13. you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video
14. at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a noticeable tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings on that arm
15. "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs when you first heard it at a school dance
16. the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during "Crazy for You" by Madonna
17. there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter"
18. you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons
19. you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold chains on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that Mr. T made millions seemed rational to you at the time
20. you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made your old big wheel quite obsolete
21. the phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter
22. you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight man with a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear outside of his clothes and talked strangely
23. you thought Sean Cassidy was "dreamy", and lusted after "Ted, your ship's photographer" on the Love Boat, and Ponch and John from CHiPs
24. you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st birthday party
25. you're starting to dread your 40th birthday, and have even begun going into denial about it's possibility
26. you're starting to believe that maybe 40 isn't so old after all, and it's those people over 60 you have to look out for
27. you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "35 - 50" age category on most questionnaires
28. you have begun to lust after men that it would be socially inappropriate for you to date due to their age
29. your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting"
30. you've ever shopped at a Benetton, but not in the last five years, okay?
31. you're starting to believe that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all
32. you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major degree
33. you won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a first name basis because "there are too many kids there"
34. going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods when the cops show up
35. you want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your back hurts, sorry
36. you've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so
37. you're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo used on MTV any more
38. you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon
39. U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now
40. you ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation
41. When someone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the Happy Days theme is stuck in your head for hours on end
42. you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the first scene.
43. you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man
44. you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on General Hospital)
45. you remember "Hey, let's be careful out there"
46. you know who shot J.R.
47. this rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."

Makeover Monstrosity - Part II

Look at me...fabulous blond highlights shimmering in the sun, dazzling all who see. Everyone who looks is almost blinded by the sheer glow of my magnificence. Brrrrriiiiiiiing. Oh, hit the snooze button. That was a phenomenal dream. Drat!

So, thinking I would look like Charlize Theron I picked up a L'Oreal highlighting kit. It comes with a small highlighting wand for subtle highlights or a brush for more "dramatic" highlights. Well, who wouldn't want those?! And whenever I've gotten highlights at the salon they use a brush, so that's what I opted for. As soon as the brush hit the solution, I became possessed. I was highlighting places that where the sun don't shine (no, not there...but you get the point). It was my mission to use up every last bit of that highlighting cream. Why? Because I can't waste anything. So more is better when it comes to highlights, right?!

Stay with me here. Fast forward 30 minutes. I get out of the shower. Eagerly anticipating my new found gorgeousness and all I saw was a big blob of really blond on top and some sort of brownish-blondish underbrush. My "highlights" basically turned out to be hair color for the entire top section of my head, but the under parts of my hair are still the darker color. Egad.

Late thirties and I do something like this at least once a year. I think I'm channeling my inner beautician. No worries, though. That's why they've invented the baseball hat (pink of course) and the ultra cool head scarf!

Makeover Monstrosity

It's Alive...Alive! This is what I was supposed to look like. Oh yeah, look at me, strollin' down the beach, blond hair glistening in the sun, bronzed skin aglow with the perfect tan. But alas, even for me, perfection has it's limits. I got in a fight with the self tanning spray and guess who won? I'll give you a hint...my orange wrists and palms are begging for mercy. The most embarrassing part was meeting with a client today. She's hosting a party for me and I had to review the catalog, products and order forms with her, so guess where she had to look most of the time. Yup, you guessed it. My dazzling, gleaming neon orange hands. "Um, please excuse the fact that my hands look like I got into a fight with an explosive tangerine. It's just that, well, I was walking by the tanning aisle in the drug store and one of the bottles spontaneously combusted! Can you believe it?! Now the rest of this fabulous glow you see, it's all me. Really. I kid you not. Oh you noticed that my toes are a little orange too? Well, um, er...hey, look over there! Is that Big Foot chasing the dog in your backyard?" Whew, I covered that one well!

By the way...more on Makeover Monstrosity tomorrow. Let's just say I pulled out a brush, some peroxide and a little timer and said hey, putting highlights in your own hair can't be that hard. Stay tuned....